Exhaustion

Out of sheer exhaustion I let Emily sleep in my bed last night.  I just am not able to function well waking up 3 to 4 times a night, getting up at 0530 for my work out, working all day and then getting back home to clean, cook dinner and spend time with both children.  I am pooped.  If I am honest too I don't clean much in the afternoons and dinner is so low key I'm not sure you can count it for much effort on my part.

It's kind of ironic because now we will have to work on getting our son to sleep in his own bed to make room for his sister so I can get some sleep.  The irony comes from the fact that we worked to get Emily out of our bed when our son was born. 

If we want to have any more children we will need a larger bed.  Which brings me to another point that bothers me.  Before SOJIA my husband and I were ready and wanting another child.  I was looking forward to coming home from deployment and starting an adventure leading to a third child.  Having a child who is so sick and will be for a long time sure cured that desire.  Eventually we will probably have another child, but I thought it might be a possibility this month and completely freaked out.  Probably because of the exhaustion; up three times with Emily, once with Thomas and let's see with a newborn that is about four to five  more times a night.  I would never sleep.

I feel guilty that I got upset about the possibility, especially now that it's not.  Derek handled it much better then I and was even excited about the possibility so maybe in a few months we can consider it.  Once we are better at managing SOJIA we can think about it again.  I'm not getting any younger and I think there is at least one more member of our family waiting to join us.  I'll have to talk myself into it.